Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Walmart Knew What He Did 17 Summers Ago

quote [ Sure, Matthew Gibson was remorseful.

But paranoia ? not a heavy heart ? apparently sent the Watauga County man on a frantic, sleepless trek to Arizona, where he confessed to a murder that happened 17 years ago, police said. ]

Maybe all those motherfuckers using my email address as their own are actually hitmen trying to send me messages about the South American dictator that I kil... err, that time I jaywalked.
[SFW] [humor] [+6 Interesting]
[by AssBastard@2:54pmGMT]


vintuk said @ 7:23pm GMT on 23rd Sep
Angela Lansbury would have found him out in 10 minutes.
dolemite said @ 8:49pm GMT on 23rd Sep
And then if there's a God he would have bludgeoned Angela Lansbury to death with the same Maglite.
vintuk said @ 9:07pm GMT on 23rd Sep
lalanda said @ 10:20pm GMT on 23rd Sep
Why would you say that about Angela Lansbury?!
dolemite said @ 3:08pm GMT on 24th Sep
Because she's had it coming for years.

Seriously, if that ponderous old bint confronted me with proof that I was the murderer with nothing to back her up but the local sheriff (who is so pitifully gormless that he needed a fucking Poligrip spokeswoman to solve his case for him) I would:

1) grab the heaviest object lying nearby and bury it in the sheriff's face while he's still amazed at the cleverness of this dusty pseudo-british cooter

2) grab the next heaviest object in the room and take out the old broad before she launches into another goddamn monologue

Now if you really want to see how this detective shit is supposed to be done check this out:

SnappyNipples said @ 8:23pm GMT on 23rd Sep
GordonGuano said @ 8:45pm GMT on 23rd Sep
So you actually can bludgeon someone to death with a maglite?

dolemite said @ 8:54pm GMT on 23rd Sep
Yeah man, maglites aren't just for pot-bellied cop-wannabe security guards anymore. Oh no wait that's still pretty much their whole market.
GordonGuano said @ 9:06pm GMT on 23rd Sep
Well, them (mea culpa), and the real-life inspiration for Trevor in GTA V, apparently.
the circus said @ 1:08am GMT on 24th Sep
Tire thumper:

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