Thursday, 13 August 2015

Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse

quote [ As romance gets swiped from the screen, some twentysomethings aren’t liking what they see. ]

For me this is like reading something by Jane Goodall. Despite being genetic compatriots to these sort of people there's just so much unintelligible awfulness and confusing mystery about the way they live their lives to me.

Here's Tinder's (hilarious meltdown of a) response before I give my own full thoughts on it: http://www.vox.com/2015/8/11/9135191/tinder-twitter-vanity-fair


The really interesting thing for me about these sort of articles is, as I said in brief below the summary, is that there's this entire universe that exists parallel to the one I inhabit and it exists basically as dark matter to my light/regular matter. Millions of people are wallowing in this "dating apocalypse" and yet I've lived through the exact same time period (with a large group of friends spread across the globe) and never had any real interaction with any of the issues described in the article.

I feel like the term "psychosexual obesity" that was used in the article is incredibly apt to describe the problem with all of these people. When you're trying to "rack up Tinderellas" what are you even doing? Saying you've slept with 100 women you don't know and who don't know you is far more pathological than it is impressive. It doesn't even mean anything outside of telling people that you've done it and it's doubly meaningless if they aren't impressed by it.

And on the other end of it the women all sound so pathetically vacuous about everything. "90 percent of guys are fuckboys and I want the 10 percent but also sometimes I just wanna fuck but like tinder makes me feel bad but I use it 20 hours a day" is something an idiotic child would think and say. But then I look at the ages of all the women and they are children. Not young enough that their lack of self-respect and common sense is excusable but still, too young to be expected to have a lot of life experience.

I guess I don't really have a summary for these thoughts. Basically I feel like everyone having these issues is either a scumbag or an idiot and that this isn't actually a vicious cycle at all since it's such an easy problem to get out of. But lumping all my cynical judgment into a single sentence feels...judgmental and cynical.
[SFW] [people] [+2]
[by MadMarchHarris@7:57pmGMT]

Comments

Dienes said @ 9:54pm GMT on 13th Aug [Score:1 Underrated]
People have been fucking around since fucking was invented. but dating still exists. We just don't go to the extreme lengths to hide hookups anymore. I'd argue this is healthier.
rndmnmbr said @ 10:21pm GMT on 13th Aug
This was my exact argument to my grandmother. Nothing has changed in human behavior, other than an obsessive need to hide things.
MadMarchHarris said @ 10:56pm GMT on 13th Aug
It was only ever women who needed to hide hookup history really. There's always been social rules around plausible deniability about banging other people's wives and stuff but for the longest time it was super common for men to patronize hookers and have mistresses and whatever. Literature and history both are rife with all the court/lordly fuckery that went on in every society. Even in the US Ben Franklin was practically a gigolo while Jefferson fathered a bunch of children with at least one of his slaves. Women generally were (and mostly still are) expected to not participate.

Fundamentally the dating world is the same but I think this is one area where the volume and speed enhancements the internet has facilitated really matter. Being able to passively farm dates/sex is something that strikes me as an unhealthy development. Maybe I'm just generally disgusted by the whole meat-market economy.
Dienes said @ 12:11am GMT on 14th Aug
Is going to a bar to pick up randos somehow better? Why or why not?

I had a much easier time screening out the crazies and people with no common interests online than I did at the bar.
lilmookieesquire said @ 8:00pm GMT on 13th Aug
It started in the 90s with video dating didn't it? See Singles, the movie.
ENZ said @ 8:10pm GMT on 13th Aug [Score:1 Classy Pr0n]
lilmookieesquire said @ 8:09pm GMT on 13th Aug
I think the problem with these articles is the assumption that the profiles are real, the genders are real, and the profiles are genuine. I mean, even before the Internet and video ads and whatnot there was paper craigslist. Tinder seems to me like a way to pass the time. I signed up once while waiting for a bagel shop to open at 5:30am. I used it a bit, chuckled at the profiles, and uninstalled (the app) to save my precious limited phone space. Say what you want, it's probably better than grinding up next to a drunk girl at a nightclub. *shrug*
MadMarchHarris said @ 8:31pm GMT on 13th Aug [Score:1 Interesting]
I think that line of reasoning applies more to Tinder's response than this article itself. The fakeness of dating profiles is nothing new and the line of what people do is definitely pushed by rumours along the lines of "You Won't Believe What Women in China are Using Tinder For!" clickbait or that article about dick pics posted here a while ago; people assume isolated incidents are common and that becomes the reality. However, this article is basically just about people fucking through Tinder and that's it's mission statement. There's not a lot of deception about the meat and potatoes of it.
Ebichuman said @ 9:10pm GMT on 13th Aug
What are women in China using Tinder for?! TELL ME!!
MadMarchHarris said @ 9:18pm GMT on 13th Aug [Score:2 Interesting]
Sadly I'm not actually creative about my pretend clickbait and that's an actual thing I saw. Basically hot women get paid by restaurants to drag dates to said restaurants and rack up huge bills.
mechanical contrivance said @ 1:00am GMT on 14th Aug
Do they at least put out?
rndmnmbr said @ 8:56pm GMT on 13th Aug
Frankly, I gave up on Tinder. It looks like online dating just isn't going to work for me. I'm left with the old-fashioned method of personal interaction, which is utter hell for the socially awkward.

How in the hell do you find nerdy, introverted, socially awkward girls anyways?
arrowhen said[1] @ 11:47pm GMT on 13th Aug [Score:1 Sad]
You used to find them on the internet (I met my girlfriend of ten years, and my ex-wife before that, on a Telnet talker), back when "on the internet" was where nerdy introverts went to get away from ordinary boring assholes and have interesting conversations with instead. They're still there, you just have to sift through infinite crowds of ordinary boring assholes to spot them, just like you always did in the real world.
midden said @ 3:30am GMT on 14th Aug
+1 Sad as in, "it's gotten harder to find good nerdy girls online." Almost none of them know what chmod 777 does anymore.
Bruceski said @ 6:01am GMT on 14th Aug [Score:5 Funny]
Just remember that global permissions is not the same as consent.
mechanical contrivance said @ 8:56pm GMT on 13th Aug
Tell me and we'll both know.
mechavolt said @ 9:39pm GMT on 13th Aug
At home.
rndmnmbr said @ 10:23pm GMT on 13th Aug
While it's a perfectly correct answer, it's not an answer than helps a lot.
buzhidao said @ 9:51am GMT on 14th Aug
local burning man meetups.
cb361 said @ 10:02am GMT on 14th Aug
Harry Potter conventions.
Kama-Kiri said @ 11:15am GMT on 14th Aug
The library.
RokDragon said @ 12:56pm GMT on 14th Aug
I met my wife in kindergarten! Although that doesn't sound good now that I see it written out...

I'm going to be completely SOL if she ever smartens up and leaves me. Dating looks like a complete pain in the ass and something I'm probably not very good at.
lilmookieesquire said @ 10:15pm GMT on 13th Aug
+1 for the Twitter meltdown though
Kama-Kiri said @ 11:13am GMT on 14th Aug
I've never used Tinder - err, and its too late now! - but I have no problem with the idea. It's just a diy matchmaking service, used with appropriate care it seems like a good way to meet people outside of you usual social circle.
Resurrected Morris said @ 12:49pm GMT on 14th Aug
"Sex has become so easy"

When wasn't it?

Go to pub. Sit down near women. Talk to women. Decide to continue or move on.
mechanical contrivance said @ 1:34pm GMT on 14th Aug
It's easy for some people and not so easy for others.
Resurrected Morris said @ 12:25pm GMT on 20th Aug
For those who find it difficult, an app will not make it easier.

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